14 years ago today...

i had my first child .i was 18 and i was almost 2 weeks over due i went to midwives( big mistake) they let me labor for 36 hrs ( hard labor) and my heart rate and the babies heart rate was goin down too so they called the on call dr and he checked me over and was like she needs to have an emergancy c section NOW!!, so they prep me and deliver her . she was the most beautiful baby i have ever seen. She wieghed 9 pns 10 ous and had these big dark blue eyes, she was and is my everything.i can't believe she is 14 today and will be starting high school soon....i miss her dearly and wish i could see her today But i cant... this child has caused me so much grief and pain.....I never dreamed she would turn against me like she did ...i wanted to have a baby girl so bad and i loved being her mom,,i miss the fun time , heck i just miss her period...my heart aches on this day because of all the bad stuff thats happened between us andcuz we cant be together....i know in my heart i did the best i could, thats why i am at peace for the most part bout the situation.. a part of me wonders what happened to that sweet lil baby i gave birth to 14 years ago, so with that i say happy 14th birthday Brandi, i will always love you no mater how mean and hurtful you are to me....